The Centerville Music Timeline

1388 Hates-To-Get-Up-Early, a Native American Shawnee and professional drummer, opens a music store in what some day will become Centerville Ohio. For five generations the small, family run shop sells primarily bone nose flutes, drums and other small hand percussion. There is a drum circle on thursday evenings, until the neighbors complain.

1512 Fleeing the Spanish Inquisition (which he didn't expect) Feliz Alfonso Manuel del Henriques Santa Maria de Leon Jr. arrives in the new world intending to open his own guitar specialty shop. Instead, he purchases an existing shop "Drums & Whatnot" from a decendent of Hates-To-Get-Up-Early named Dude-Who-Shreds, who is going on the road as a guitar tech with a Viking named Yingwee. Feliz changes the shop name to "Guitars & Whatnot".

1565 The Henriques Family decides to sell only guitars and changes the store's name to "Guitars Are We" and give the drums and nose flutes to the Virgin Mary as an offering.

1607 The English colony at Jamestown runs tragically low on high E strings but receives a shipment that gets them through the winter, by passenger pigeon, thanks be to God and the Henriques family.

1670 French explorer and sideman to Louis XII, Gascard "Big Chicken" LaSalle, discovers the Ohio River while running away from a menacing group of Native American toddlers. While drying out his clothing, realizes he has ruined his supply of flat wound bass strings. Again, the Henriques family saves the day.

1704 Luigi Vercotti, an able guitarist and expert card sharp, wins "Guitars Are We" in a game of five card draw. Much hand waving and excited discussion ensues.

1751 Whilst wandering about in Ohio, Christopher "Nigel" Gist (of no fixed abode) purchases a 7 string acoustic and a copy of Mel Bay Book One from Sr. Vercotti's son.

1777 Christopher "Nigel" Gist (of no fixed abode) decides to join forces with Stephan DuVai, noted Belgian Jack Butler impersonator, to create a series of custom 7 string guitars. Sadly, all are confiscated by Gen. Washington to support the war effort.

1794 "Guitars Are We" changes it's name to "Centerville Music" and closes briefly to avoid "Mad" Anthony Wayne, who always wore a large belt buckle and used a metal pick.

1842 Gus & Sylvia Wyandot, the last Native Americans in Ohio, buy guitars at Centerville Music and split for the coast.

1880 Dr. B.F. Goodrich manufactures the first durable rubber hose, finally making the dream of the Talk Box a reality.

1888 Centerville Music is purchased by Ebaneezer Coy for a handful of magic beans.

1913 The invention of Formica™ allows the production of Danelectro™ guitars, the easy to wipe clean instrument. This proves a godsend after the flood.

1917 Centerville Music, in a bold move, decides to reissue the 1777 seven string guitar, but they are, sadly, confiscated by Eddie Rickenbacker for the war effort.

1929 Centerville Music sells first electric guitar, a Gibson Custom Shop '59 Reissue.

1938 Everitt Hull, inventor of the Motorized Bass on Wheels (you can look it up), ships first production model to Centerville Music. Two monkeys are run over by owner's wife.

1939 In an unfortunate side note, Poland is invaded by Germany, the first waves attacking with, wait for it- Motorized Basses on Wheels.

1941 On December 7th, a day that will live in infamy, Centerville Music becomes an Oahu dealer.

1942 All Oahu guitars are confiscated by Gen. Eisenhauer for the war effort.

1949 Centerville Music receives first shipment of Ampeg bass amps. Hair salon next door complains.

1950 Pachucco Boogie, need I say more?

1957 Faced with choice of a brand new Fender strat or a Kay Barney Kessel, Budy Holly, sadly, makes the wrong move.

1962 Centerville Music puts on a Zim-Gar clinic featuring Ishitaro "Honorable Finger" Taragawa. The next clinic will not occur for over 30 years.

1972 Frank Zappa releases "The Grand Wazoo". Centerville Music neglects to open for an entire week.

1980 Centerville Music sells over 500 Electra MPC guitars.

1986 The "Monkey Grip Wars" begin.

1987 All Monkey Grip Guitars are confiscated by little Stevie Vai to be used in the war effort. Sadly, the war ends before it begins.

1988 Centerville Music now run by Tim & Carol Coy. Flanagan stops by with some smokes.

1993 Snakeskin Westones-need I say more?

1995 Paul Gilbert, the amazing one, does clinic at Centerville Music, then eats pizza with a fork.

1997 The Foo Fighters confiscate all Mesa Boogie Rectifier heads in their quest for the ultimate in soul-less guitar tone.

2000 Centerville Music moves to current location in the middle of the night, one step ahead of the law.